Beneath the Mask of Holiness Quotes©

Merton as Described by Others

“Thomas Merton was the most important spiritual writer of the Twentieth Century.” – Dutch priest and spiritualist Henri Nouwen

“A [great deal] of my spiritual seeking began with Thomas Merton. He [was] an incredible source of light and comfort and humor.” - Traveling Mercies author Ann Lamott

 “[He was] this red-cheeked lovely man, who was cheerful, joking and always giggling like the Dalai Lama with a smile on his face, ready for joy. He was mentor known and loved. He had a true sensibility, [and was] a true man with a lightness like the Dalai Lama with all the depth anyone could have.” – Joan Baez

 “[Merton was] one who took “a deep interest in Eastern philosophy, mainly Buddhism, and especially meditation . . . he was very open-minded.” – His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

 “Thomas Merton was a man. Much of his attractiveness lies in the fact that he was, indeed, a person of flesh and blood, body and feeling, time and place.” – Father Basil Pennington

 “Merton was a poet and essayist, biographer and critic, translator and diarist, novelist, autobiographer, sometime satirist . . . a letter writer of extraordinary ability.” – Merton scholar Robert E. Daggy

“Merton had a twinkle in his eye . . . he was jovial, almost a jokester . . . He had a winsome personality, very democratic, self-effacing and earthy” despite his fame.” – Merton's brother monk Dr. Rudy Bernard

“Merton was saucy, bouncy, young, boyish, English, cool, laid back, subtle, whimsical, [and] merry . . . [He was] a man of great hope.” – Father Matthew Kelty

“. . . Many people would read such and such Merton, and then say, ‘That's not Merton, that's me; that's my own life.” – Father Flavian Burns

“[Merton] was a guy with big baggy pants, needed a shave, laughed too much, drank too much beer, just an ordinary guy.” -- Poet and longtime Merton friend Ron Seitz

Views on Merton's Struggles

“Father Louis [Merton] should give up writing for five years, [he] has worked himself into a great brain fever, and he is blaming everyone else and his surroundings for his lack of peace which is common to neurotics.” – 1955 letter from Gethsemani Abbot Dom James to Jean Leclercq

“Megalomania and narcissism are your big trends,” – Psychiatrist Dr. Gregory Zilboorg

“[Merton] was in crisis due to longings for solitude [as] his exhaustion [grew] more intense, and he [felt] himself near a breakdown.” – Merton biographer Monica Furlong on Merton's mental state in 1959

“[Merton] regretted the way he had tried to live up to an illusion of the person he ought to be, instead of simply trying to be himself.” – Merton biographer Monica Furlong

 “[Merton encountered] “the seven mountains of purgatory . . . [his] vocational struggle was an open one, a struggle for freedom, to be free enough to do what he really wanted to do and do it as his true self.” – Father Basil Pennington

Views on Merton and the Margie Smith Love Affair

“No matter how it [the love affair] turned out, no matter how it made him look, he wanted the truth of its essentials to exist in an unembellished state.” – Biographer John Howard Griffin

“You will not try to contact her in any way whatever, anywhere, either by phone, by letter, etc., etc. You will never go to that hospital again.” – Gethsemani Abbot Dom James

 “[Merton] broke every vow that he had . . . [It's] Romeo and Juliet – he's fifty-one and she's twenty-four – they can't drive, they can't see each other.” – Merton scholar Jonathan Montaldo

“Even before [the affair] started, [Merton] sensed something was still unresolved in his attitude to women, and was due to be addressed.” – Merton brother monk Paul Quenon

“Merton really wasn't living the life of a monk – monks don't go on picnics with girlfriends; monks don't drink bourbon. He just didn't fit the mold and he broke every rule of the monastery – he was in full rebellion – a mid-life crisis – foolish.”– Merton brother monk Dr. Rudy Bernard

“Merton was talking to a woman, obviously someone special, in the Cellerar's office and saying, ‘This is a holy thing. I love you.'” – Merton brother monk Paul Quenon's recollection of Merton on the telephone with Margie Smith

Merton State of Mind

“I have been having another one of those nervous breakdowns,” a reminder, he lamented, of the “old days, in 1936, when I thought I was going to crack up on the Long Island Railroad, and the more recent one since ordination.”

“[It's] crazy . . . trying to live up to an image of yourself you have unconsciously created in the minds of others "

“I probably deserve all the bitterness that is in my life.”

“[Its] been some kind of a lie, a charade . . . repeated failures, failures without number, like holes appearing everywhere in a worn-out garment . . . nothing has been effectively patched. The moths have eaten me . . . .”

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I think I am living for, in detail and ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for. Between these two answers you can determine the identity of any person.”

“It transpires that though I am indeed crazy as a loon I don't really need analysis.” – Merton to literary agent Naomi Burton after Dr. Gregory Zilboorg analysis

“My life is kind of a lie, a charade.”

“[I am] worn down and “easily discouraged. The depressions are deeper, more frequent. I am near fifty. People think I am happy. ”

“[People are] real or unreal, true or false, or, most important, wore one mask and now another and never if we so desire to appear with our own true face.”

Thomas Merton Quotes During Margie Smith Love Affair

“Small, shy, almost defiant, with her long black hair, her grey eyes, her white trench coat . . . . ” – Merton description of Margie Smith

 “I do feel a deep emotional need for feminine companionship and love, and seeing that I must irrevocably live without it ended up tearing me up more than the [back] operation itself.”

 “One thing has suddenly hit me, that nothing counts except love . . . that a solitude that is not simply the wide-openness of love and freedom is nothing . . . . ”

“Love and solitude [are] the one ground of true maturity and freedom.”

“There is a sense of awful, awesome rather, sexual affinity.”

“I will love you always ” – Margie to Merton during a telephone conversation

“I suppose the first thing to do is to admit I do not know the meaning of love in any context – ancient or new.”

“I suppose the first thing to do is to admit I do not know the meaning of love in any context – ancient or new.”

“So one thing on my mind is sex, as something I did not use maturely and well, something I gave up without having come to terms with it. That is hardly worth thinking about now – twenty-five years nearly since my last adultery.

“One thing has suddenly hit me; that nothing counts except love. . . that a solitude that is not simply the wide-openness of love and freedom is nothing . . . . ”

“I can only regard this [Margie] as kind of miracle in my life . . . .”

“My sexuality has been made real and decent again after years of rather frantic suppression . . . . I feel less sick. I feel human.”

“[I am now ]known as a monk in love with a woman.” – Merton after exposure of the love affair

“We cannot see each other, we cannot meet, we cannot hold each other, we cannot bring our lips together and cling to each other warmly, helplessly, in a long embrace. That is all over.”

“[I recall] her body, her nakedness, the day at [Dr.] Wygal's, and it haunts me.”

“I see that I am floundering around in the dark . . . And that it is true that this summer I have done some very foolish and dangerous things.”

“[Margie] and I are so much, in so many ways, Eve and Adam.”

“I have no intention of keeping the [Margie] business out of sight. The affair with [Margie] is an important part of [my life] – and shows my limitations as well as side of me that is – well, it needs to be known too, for it is part of me.”

“Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name.”

“All I know is that I love [Margie] so much I can hardly think of anything but her. Also I know that in itself this love is a thing of enormous value (never has anyone given herself to me so completely, so openly, so frankly, and never have I responded so completely . . . I see how badly I need her love to complete me . . . . ”

“I now realize I had found something, someone, that I had been looking for all my life.”